i am so bored. white noise was good. didnt scare me like i figured it might. i'd like to witness that evp stuff myself, i'd have to before believing in it. i think it's real though. sort of. i'm not sure. ugh, i wish more people i knew could be online. like daryl. i wanna talk to him. everyday. hmmp. oh snap, i forgot to call davy. grr. i have to put things on me, or in front of me in big letters, to remember it. i have such a bad memory. i want to write. i have an urge to write. but i havent been depressed enough lately. sure it's lonely during summer, but that's just the thing. i havent seen anyone, or done anything, and nothing has happened to make me feel depressed and i can only write when i'm depressed. it's bothering me. i havent written anything in months. well, maybe a month at least. but still. i can't find any inspiration. when school starts again, i'll have a new poem probably every week. if not more often. no 1000 or so people to see everyday. no best friends waiting in my classes, no everyday talk of what's going on in my life, with a response. just my mom. and that gets old, very fast. i have to wait until after wednesday to go back and see my dad. so i can get my liscence. if i fail again, i will be so mad at myself. i dont like failing at things. speaking of which, i got my report card last week. i only have 3 A's. i was mad. i have B's in classes i've had A's in all year. maybe it's because toward the last month or so of school i got to where i just didnt care anymore. i was tired of seeing my teachers, and hearing them bable on about things of no interest to me. so i blocked them out a lot of times. especially mrs middleton. i liked her for about the first month of school. now i cant stand the woman. i dont like the way she runs her classroom, the way she teaches, or anything she does. other people think she's the coolest, but only because they can get away with harrassing her, in her own damn classroom. she puts up with way too much. much like mrs neiman. which is why i liked mrs crawford. she is strict, and alot of people hate her for it, but it's effective. and she has respect. in her classroom at least. all these days out of school, i dont know what to do with them. i keep thinking of, certain people. not just one. which makes it worse. people in my past, who, i've realized now, will always haunt me. what i've done, mostly what i didn't do, and what i could've done. always seem to creep up somehow in my thoughts. everyday i replay some mistake i made. it tends to make less and less sense. oh yay, now i feel depressed. it's finally back. i missed it.