i just wrote a big long mother fucking entry about why i was so upset today and all these feelings and problems im having now and now im fucking pissed off becuase this peice of shit thing didnt save and now its all fucking gone!! basically it was because i saw josh forbes last night at the fair with davy. he hugged me and said he was sorry before walking away and ever since that moment i have been upset because it brought back memories and shit like that and i am so gotdamned mad right now that all of that ten foot entry is gone and why didnt i copy it just in case i am just stupid like that and i hope josh stays the fuck where he is because i dont want him to come back because if he does i'll want him back and i know thats a bad thing bc he's a jackass and he deserves to die but he looked so great and i wanted to run after him and say josh dont leave me again i wish you would come back but lucky for me davy was there to remind me i have a boyfriend and it sure as hell isn't him. i was upset and jesse was great about it and understanding which is why i love him and i got to spend alot of time with him today bc of that stupid ass weightlifting thingymajig and now im going to break something if i dont stop writing about it and being mad that the first one didn't save and gotdammit that stupid asshole i want him now. all that time of getting over him finally and i have a bf and im pretty damn close to happy and then bang someone shoots my fucking brains out after ripping my heart into peices and now i want to kill him but the other part of me wants him to come back and if he does, i , well i hope he doesnt because it wont be pretty. i could never break up with jesse just to go back to that lying backstabbing cheating son of a bitch and i wont do it. dammit dammit dammit. mother fucking dammit. may hell's fire consume your soul you fucking twit.