I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I’m not sure what it is. It could be love…. But maybe its just rebound. Maybe its just because its summer and I can’t see my friends. Maybe I’m just depressed. I feel so alone now. There is no one here to hold me. Or say they care. No one to love. I feel like I have been deserted. I put on a happy face sure. For my parents and other family. But they don’t even know me well enough to see through the fake happiness I put on for them. Doesn’t my father think that there is a reason for me saying barely anything when I come to visit him? Doesn’t anyone see how really unhappy I am. Can’t anyone understand that I feel lost? Like I’m falling and now I’ve fallen so far no one can see me. And no one cares. I know that there are people who love me. But they don’t matter. They have to love me they are my relatives. Sometimes I think they only pretend to love me. Maybe I’m just thinking I am depressed. I don’t know. I wish I could do something about it. Maybe someday I will. I don’t think I love him. It feels like it but I think its just because I am lonely. I don’t know. I can’t tell what this feeling is. I can’t remember if I’ve felt it before. But I do know that’s it’s an awful feeling to have. All day long I feel tired and lost, alone and angry, and I can’t wait until I find something to take it away. Or someone. Maybe it will just leave with time. Maybe it will get worse. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. I feel like I don’t even know myself. But what I do know, is for the way I feel, depressed is an understatement.