peice of shit. logged me out. that was a damn long entry too. about damn imporatant shit. i cant even remember half of it. except saying how i miss the way matt used to be. when he wasnt so depressed, or unhappy. when we were best friends. and how we hardly talk now. how he wasnt even ever attracted to me, according to him and that makes it true as true can be. how something i heard was the truth just an hour ago. that i've been waiting to hear him say for years. he still loves her. i always knew he did, but he would never admit it. especially if there was a chance she was listening. or would find out what he said. he wont tell her, why should he. it's not like she'd ever go back to him. i was saying how i was the one who was always there for him. especially when she wasnt. in between all their fights, and i was always there. except when that one incident happened that he has yet to forgive me for. yet whatever she does, he still loves her. he always forgets all the times she hurt him. i make one mistake without meaning to, and he's scared for life. he wont ever be over her. and i know it. and there is nothing i can do. i dont remember what else i had written down, it doesnt seem very important anymore. i miss the way things used to be. is that so bad...maybe so. i cant help but miss when things were easier. when depressed and suicidal thoughts werent something me and half of the people i know deal with almost everyday. like brushing your teeth, disappointment and sadness are in the daily ruitine. and it just makes me sad, to know it's all gone. and there's nothing i can do.