well. it seems the problem jesse and i were having over the summer deal is resolved. he wasnt at school yesterday which made me mad....but he was there today. he asked me what we were going to do, becuase last week when i brought it up we seemed to have just left it there...in last week, but i said i dont know, i dont think there is anything we can do. (no thanks to my fucking mom) so he asked me if i wanted to keep dating until school was over and i said yes. so then when school ends...we do too. i should feel relieved. i was trying to figure this same thing out last week but i just couldnt say it. i feel bad though. i got over that thing i was going through last week after spring break (whatever it was, im still not exactly sure myself...) well it was over and i was fine. i still thought about it sure, but it wasnt as bad. i think this is the best way to handle the situation. even though it sucks. but it cant be helped. jose was pissing me off yesterday. he said he was bored so he started calling me fat and ugly in lunch so i would get mad at him...(wierd yes, but pissed me off) well, it worked. but (this will sound stupid but i cant fucking help it ok...) it made me feel really shitty yesterday. my boyfriend wasnt there, that was already making the day suck, it was monday which made it even worse...and then i get called fat and ugly by jose a hundred times...fucking prick. i take things like that personally...i cant help it. it's not that i think he was really meaning it...although he might have been....but it's just that i start to think about it and it gets me all depressed because i always stress myself over how i look becuase i think im ugly and not fat...but not skinny either. and when other people say it, it well...i dont like it. and no one ever tells me the opposite so its not like it equals out or anything. not even my boyfriend makes me feel good. one thing i dont like about this relationship. a big reason that i get into these things is becuase it's nice to have someone like you more than anyone else...but when they dont say it, or when you cant tell if they do, there is no point. i think i've gone through this before...but i dont care, opinions never die. my mom's not here right now, she left before i got home in apparently a rush and she looked pissed off...i say this because of the skid marks left in our drive way where she pulled out. ah...good times. so im waiting for her to get home and yell at me for whatever it is she is angry and....whatever it is she would like to yell at me about also. which could be anything. so im a little worried about her coming back. anyways, i dont think there is anything else to say. so i'll stop now. if i missed anything vitally imporant i'll just come back later and add it...