work was slow today. so i left early. i think i'll go put in ....bugger..another some more applications in interlachen tomorrow after school. i'm spending more money than i'm making and it's just not working out. besides, i dont want to clean everytime i go. that's not what i go to work, to do. not that i dont mind it every now and then, but that's not all i wanted to get...barely ...paid for. i'm so damned tired. my neck hurts and i'm all tense. bugger. my mom saw my hickey...yeah..the one mike gave me ..in LUNCH. i told her it was between classes..actually she asked and i said yeah...sure...anyways. jesse siad he has to think about asking miriah. i told him that he had time...yesterday..to think about it. but he said it was a life changing decision and he needed more time to think it over. and then..stupidly..he said, remember how long it took me to ask you out? and i said yeah...long enough for you to get another girlfriend...and then he was all...oh hey..dont talk about that. so yeah..whatever. let him "think" all he wants. as long as in the end, he asks her out. i asked my mom about miriah living with me. she freaked out. she said miriah would have to have a very very desperate situation...and she'd have to get a job and bring money into the house. yeah so...unless she feels like doing that, and has a very good excuse, my mom thinks it's not such a good idea. sort of what i expected..but it was worth a try. well, here's the good news.... one, stacey broke up with josh two, kim and kady slimbodian, are missing. yeah missing, mike and tim and some other people..took them riding around yesterday and dropped them off somewhere...and now no one can find them. i'm not going to say i'm happy about this, becuase no matter who we're talking about...it is quite a tragedy...for someone to be missing...but..i will say, that maybe they won't come back...to our school anymore. or maybe they will..but kady will be so pissed off at kyle and those people..that she wont hang around us anymore. bad news... josh was really really upset today becuase of this thing. and i felt really really bad because i gave him this mean note that i wrote last night. and i felt like it was just adding to his torment...but in a way that seems satisfying. and ...when i hugged him leaving lunch..he said..you did it again. and all i could say was...i cant help it. i know what he meant, and it's a bit scary that he can read me like that...but, oh well. i'm not used to this. i have nothing to be majorly depressed about..i have a great boyfriend and there are no other problems..what am i going to do............ .........something will happen. yes something. something is going to mess up, or..i dont know. but just, something. but i wont wait for it, i'll just let it come... right now, everything is fine and i'm ok. really, there's nothing wrong..except i'm broke...but that hopefully will change soon. i feel overpriveleged to have a car. and yet underpriveleged because i cant really use it, much less afford it. i wish we lived in a big city...in the city. not way out in these godforsaken woods. i hate my living situation. and i always have. and until i graduate from high school...get out of college and leave this place, i'll always hate it. bugger this country shit. i was meant for a city. why am i still here.