ugh, sighs.... what a day. well i dont know what was wrong with jesse today. perhaps he stayed up too late playing video games who knows, but i do know that what happened yesterday hasnt seemed to effect him all that much. oh what's that...your fine, right because everything is all fine, i just thought that you were upset because you hurt me. sorry my mistake.... i suppose we are still friends, if i can just quite being a sucker and get over it. and yes katrina you are quite a funny person and yea that did help, more than you know. and besides, even if he did break up with her im not sure if i wud want to go out with him after all this. hmm... devin came to sit by me, he was biting my arm like he usually does and then he grabbed my arm and i told him to be careful, except it was in a loud voice as if i was saying get the fuck away from me...but i wasnt....its just that last night, sighs, after a few months of not seeing any reason to, i cut my arm. i went deeper than i intended too though. but i didnt realize it until this morning. i really need to stop doing that. but hey at least this time i had a differnt reason...ok thats not much of a bright side but hey its the best i can do. but yea he asked me why and i didnt know what to say because i really didnt mean to yell at him like that but it hurt and he looked and he said yea thats what i thought. so not many people know about that either. darryl, josh i think, devin, katrina, matt, jake, ok well a handful of people know. but thats it. thats one thing you cant just tell anyone. josh what an arshole...i was walking with him to first and i was trying to tell him what had happened and he was like i dont care i dont want to hear about boyfriend and stuff like that. apperently he was in a bad mood. which made me mad because i dont like trying to tell people my problems, and i dont just tell anyone its people who i feel like will actually care if i do tell them...anyways, where was i...oh yea well i was like fine whatever and i went to class. and then of course in second period he was being an obnoxious suckup. dumbass i really cant stand him sometimes...but darryl has really helped me, of course he was the deliverer of bad news which started this whole thing, but he listened to me and i feel like he cares, you cant just talk to anyone about these things. it takes special people. like my sister....no. she isnt very much of an emotional rock to cry on...besides she is too happy with her boyfriend, who by the way sounds like a really great guy in case she reads this which i doubt she will bc she never reads my diary anymore because she got a new one on another site and left me here all by myself....um ok yea so there are only a few people with whom i feel completely comfortable in talking about these things too. matt is of course at the top of that list bc he really helps me. katrina, darryl, jake, davy well she is my best friend but she is too busy being happy with her boyfriend too. and it used to help me when i talked to eddie but he is too busy with his gf and i dont like telling him my problems anymore bc im beginning to think that he doesnt want to hear them, and i dont blame him i mean they are pretty dramatized, and consistent. but neways, im already feeling much better after writting this...even tho i jsut walked home in the rain crying about 30 minutes ago, i think i'll be alright. well i suppose ive blabbed enough here. cheers