well today was a little better. i came to the realization of a few things that i didnt like. and that means i might have lost a friend...one i thought i had..but from the way i can see it now...she wasnt that much of a friend to begin with. it's funny how things can be so obvious, but you never notice them until later on when everything comes crumbling down. why was that so hard to say? no i dont want to get back with mike, and i didnt mean to give him that signal. i think it's a bad idea we broke up becuase of all the shit that's been going on, but i dont want to get back with him...not for a little while. and i just dont understand you i'm so tired, and i feel like crap. i want to curl into a ball and sleep for the whole weekend but i cant becuase there is so much on my mind. oh ...so much. i was going to see if i could go to kyle's tomorrow...but..my mom loves the fact that there is no school..so i have to clean the house..and then go to walmart for her and buy myself some ice cream becuase orthodontists are the devil and i cant eat anything else. fucking braces. it makes me want just burst into tears whenever i think that i have to keep them on another minute. i hate them so much...with everything that's in me i hate this torture device...it's so not worth all that money. me and daryl hung out after school today. it's been so long since it was just us. it was..fun..and very..uh...interesting. yes, interesting. i hate television people and i dont want to be alone right now. although that's how i've felt this week. but it will go away, because i'll go back to what it was like before, and things will be ok for a while. until i just cant handle it anymore and i'll find someone to be with. things in my house keep making noises...and i hate acorns. no one is online and it sucks. i have no one to talk to..so i'm venting out to this computer...and i'm so so sick of my mother. i just wish she would go away for a ...few weeks. just leave the house and leave me alone..or even better..that i could leave. i need a second house...that's not in another state..that seems to be an inconvience. i need someone's house to stay at when i'm tired of my own..which is like..all the time. you take the breath you didnt make i'm kind of glad for this time off school. normally i'd hate it..but it's ok now. i think. i'll probably be wishing i was in school tomorrow......why?...have you seen my room lately? well you wouldnt want to clean it either. trust me. i bet money it only lasts two days. if i can make it that long without throwing things on the floor again. my mom yelled at me becuase i siad my mouth hurts. i was telling her how my braces are tearing into my gums..and she started getting mad like i was just being whiney or something...i'm sorry but she kept asking me if i wanted to eat stuff and kept naming things and i told her repeatedly that i could not chew anything solid and it hurts to even speak, yet she kept asking me questions that required more than a nod. curse you. you coniving little bitch...oh this will all come out soon, you just wait...go ahead, play your games, you have to lose sometime.