well if anyone is wondering what i did that was so terrible, the worst thing i did was hurt the one person in my life that i care most about. next to that i slept with a guy just bc i wanted my first time to be over with. without thinking of what other ppl might think, of how other ppl might react, or if it wud hurt anyone. i feel like the dumbest most awfulest person alive and so retched its unbeleiveable. my sister still wont talk to me and she says she doesnt know me. she keeps sayin i will talk to u when i know i wont say something i will regret, even tho she keeps leaving me messages that to me sound like something i wud regret saying bc they hurt and since she isnt talking to me she doenst know how i feel or what is going on. so she keeps making absurd assumptions that are wrong and everytime i feel a spark of happiness she makes me feel like smiling is a sin.