for some reason i feel very angry. and depressed. and...confused. i feel like my mind has been 340868045968 miles away today. and nothing is seeming to go right. well it started off with me being woken up by my mom. we went to st augustine, instead of daytona. went to this mall thingy..i looked in every shoe store they had and only one of them had converse...of course...none were my size. so that was disappointing, then my mom kept saying there was a hot topic in the mall..i knew there wasnt..but she siad there was............. there wasnt so we left. spent about half an hour trying to find a place to park and ended up having to pay 6 dollars for this parking lot thingy about a mile from the restuarant we were wanting to eat at. so we walked there and stoped to look at every menu of all the other restaurants along the way...they have the menus posted outside...isnt that nifty. so we ended up eating at some place called Harry's. which smelled funny, and was a bit dirty. the service sucked...and we were sitting right beside the kitchen, where we could hear mostly dishes rattling and some waitress comlaining about how some people ask to substitute their sides for other things. the food was...ok...then we walked a little more to this marina thing. and signed up to go parasiling. yeah, they take you out on a boat, in the ocean, strap you to a pole attatched to a huge parachute looking thing...and then you hang around up there for about 20 minutes then they real you in. well we paid for 1000 feet. it was nice. we could see all the way to palatka...and even jaxsonville. then on the way down before going to the boat, we got dipped in the water a few times. then waited for these other people to do it...and then went back. had an interesting conversation with the guy who owns the place...who was on the boat. my mom is always full of things to talk about when we're in public places. then we went walking in the old part of town...and i found this shoe store...that had converse. woot. so now i have some. my grandmother's credit card wouldnt work..so i paid for them myself. the last time i went to see my dad, i ended up with about 160 dollars. and spent every bit on the tag to my car...remember? yes i'm sure you do. and then this time, i came home with about 150...and 110 of it is going to my car insurance...and the rest, went to my shoes. so now i'm broke again. everytime i get money...it's gone so quickly. i showed my mom the dress that i wanted so badly. i tried it on...perfect fit. she said it was really nice, and i was planning on buying it..but i had no money to spare. i'm getting really tired of spending money on that car. and you people think having a car would be fun...........ha....if you have a job maybe. which i still dont. tomorrow i'm going to visit my other..gma in the hospital..mom said she needs help. what ever that means. and then i have to look into jobs again...maybe...and then she wants me to meet her at walmart...to buy socks. yes, socks. i was waiting to get online, so i played piano for a bit. i started to play my immortal...but i forgot it. i FORGOT it. ever since i learned how to play that song it's been like second nature to play it...but i forgot...two parts of it. i had to go find the book. i just blanked out.. and that makes me feel like something is wrong. maybe something is..but i just dont know it yet. much like the last time i kept saying something was wrong...but that's a long story. either it's happened again, or there's still something wrong. whatever, i just wish it would go away. i feel sick and bored and lost and constantly find myself with my face in my hands like i can close my eyes for a little while and make everything disappear but nothing changes and it feels like there is no point in even breathing. i cant even concetrate on one thing. i cant even concetrate period. i cant even think. it feels like time is standing still again. sometimes it feels like everyone around me is moving so quickly, but i've been left behind. if only i could make myself not care anymore.