wow i had the weirdest dream last night. i have to write it down before it goes away. ok, it started off as the first day of school and we were in this class room i guess, (it kinda looked like the cabin we stayed in this weekend) and carl was there. he siad he was going to another school but he was there with us to visit i guess. so we were walking around and he had his arms around me (?), then i saw jesse sitting in a chair. he wanted me to sit by him to talk. but i didnt. i just kept standing there with carl. so then, he got up and left and i went after him. i caught up with him and i was saying im sorry jesse wait, im sorry, stop. but he wouldnt. once he got farther ahead of me, i just turned around and went back to the room all mad. i think kady had followed me out becuase as i was going back in she was there. we went back in and i was pissed. but when i got back jesse was laying on a chair or couch or something, and i was mad so i took off my sunglasses (?) and threw them down on the floor and then everyone looked at me....he had tears in his eyes so i sat down beside him and he took my hands then he started telling me all about how he felt over the summer and said something about spending four hours but i cant remember what it was....then everyone started to leave (i guess the bell had rung or something) and i kissed him goodbye and then....well, then i started kissing him all over his body and it was just us in the room and then he was just laying there and then i stopped and we just laid there and i fell asleep. it was strange and i dont know what it means but, maybe we'll get back together some day. for some reason though, i dont think he'll want to. i have this feeling that i really hurt him....and something i had just thought about this weekend, about the ...few..times i kissed kyle. i hope that mike, or michael, or devin or anybody told jesse about that, because he would really be mad at me for something like that, most likely. and then again he could care less. holy shiznit. that is the weirdest thing. just as i was writing the last few sentences up there...jeremy rutland IM's me and says that he heard about me and kyle and a lot of people know. dammit, people will be mad at me when school starts back. AHHH shit. he heard it from miguel!! who heard it from someone else. could this get any worse.....uh yeah, it most likely could. now i have a feeling that i'll be talking to miguel and jesse before we get back to school. grr. but hey, at least jeremy is coming back this year. some good news in all of this. even though he wasnt honestly much help to me that year.....ugh anyways, he is one of my friends. cheers p.s....katrina, i would leave you comments know, but for some reason i'm having some problems getting to your diary. so dont think i was being a hypocrite or something....or...does that make any sense, i dont know. anyways, im sorry.