today was awesome. it started off with me getting to school and then getting covered in chocolate syrup. mike put it on my face and him and paul licked it off...then paul licked it off my boob bc it fell in my shirt. we went all day licking chocolate syrup and whip cream off of each other. it was great.... spent most of first in middleton's...then back to my class...then to mr walker...then to mrs mills..who was in a suprisingly good mood today..there were only about 6 or 8 of us so maybe thats why...she gave me a hug. well , she gave everyone a hug...then during fourth i went to mrs medley's class...and well, right about when second lunch started mrs hamilton comes in the room and yells at me and kati and jose, bc we werent supposed to be there. so we had to go out to the football feild to set up fucking chairs for graduation...it was so hot and it sucked. im not sure if it will stick or not...but supposedly we got written up. but oh well, i dont care...at least we had some fun.. then i went to fifth and got kady and daryl to come with me to mrs stone's class where paul, mike and mike were there and other people...that was fun. we did more chocolate syrup stuff...then went back to mrs medley's where a lot of stuff happened that i will try to remember all of it... first we tried to play spin the bottle and we did until mrs medley noticed...then we just kinda sat around for a bit...then we kinda sat on the floor...miriah, kyle, luis and me...which ended up with me sitting and lying all over miriah mostly...and a bit on kyle...(who i made out with about three times today..) i kissed a lot of people today..including paul, mike, kady, jose, kyle, miriah, luis,(just on the cheek miriah dont freak out on me...) i think thats it... i got licked a lot..and got three hickeys...three ....THREE!!!. i will tell my mum that they are all from jesse since she knew we were dating..i'll just say he wanted to make our last day memorable...i hope my dad doesnt freak..im supposed to see him in a few days...eh...this girl on the bus said to put toothpaste on them over night..so i'll try that. but they are from mike, kyle, and paul. i laid on the floor with miriah on top of me a few times...then while i was on the floor i made out with kyle again....i was with miriah most of the day...except in the classes she couldnt come to...which werent many. she helped me steal cookies from mr hole...that was great...um... i dont think anything else really happened except that jesse didnt show up. and its all my fault. i told him not to come and...well, he didnt. not yesterday or today. and i wont see him again until august sometime...i cried on the bus. i couldnt help it...we left the middle school and i cried until i got off at my stop...then travis was i guess trying to make me feel better and it worked a bit..but it made me start crying again. i just kept thinking about jesse...i shouldnt have told him not to come..why am i such a stupid bitch like that...i didnt think he would actually listen to me. just like last year...no goodbye and i'll be depressed about him all summer...and probably into next year as well. i feel so horrible, i just want to curl up in my bed and sleep all summer until school starts again. i gave out my number to a few people...maybe they'll call...maybe we can hang out. i dont know. this summer might not suck as much as last year's...i hope. he didnt even say goodbye. he doenst care. and i dont blame him. i just wish i wouldnt care so much. my mum isnt home yet...i dunno where she is. but i hope she doenst freak when she sees my neck..even if she does i really dont care right now. i think i'll watch the nightmare before christmas....yeah..i will. dammit, im so depressed. this sucks. i want jesse. dammit why...just...ugh...why.