boy what a day. that sucked the high heavens. i wanted to kill someone today....two people to be exact. names:...uh, i dont think i'll go there. i cut up my arm last night...worst i've done so far i think. 27 cuts at least. yeah,....today i was wishing i had never done it. it always looks worse the next day. i'll have to get rid of it quickly. i just took the blade and kept on hacking. relief? eh, not really. but i felt a little better today. maybe it was a relief...im not sure. jesse showed up today. he had stuff to do. sure. ok. then he left shortly after lunch. so in 6 days i've seen him for 20 minutes. yeah, i think he is too serious. i think he might want to get back together after summer. maybe he thinks we are just taking a break. i was thinking we'd be over for good after this. hmm. i guess not. but i dont think i can handle a serious realtionship. the committment scares me. this whole time i've just been waiting for something to go wrong. well, it hasnt. not really. except for school ending...but that cant be helped. so, i found a guy who wont hurt me....good? im not exactly sure yet. we'll just have to see. i would probably get over it eventually if we never got back together. i didnt get very attatched to him because i kept thinking something would happen so i tried to save myself the hurt...a little at least. but nothing has happened. he's a good guy...go figure... the rest of today isnt important...except mike told me something that made me sad. i feel special that he only told me. i guess. seems people like to tell me things that they dont talk about to anyone...that makes me feel loved. 6 days. i hope this summer goes by fast. and the next school year goes by slowly. which im sure it wont. this one seemed to go by sort of slow...i mean it doesnt feel like it went by fast. but then it does. next year it wont be so pathetic. i hope. maybe. eh...who cares. i dont want braces!!! *sad sad face*....tears...i will cry. it will be hell. i dont want them i dont want them. this fucking sucks. bastard! bugger. but i cannot stop it. june 30...thats when. oh yay. the anticipation is killing me.... i hope tomorrow is a good day. i really do. i've had enough of these depressing days. they really suck.