for some odd reason today i am very depressed. i dont feel like talking, smiling, being happy, or anything like that. this morning i was fine except i am still sick, but maybe its the new medicine i got this morning. hmm maybe dayquil is a depressent. (for me almost anything is) i cannot wait until i get back to school. the more i stay at home around my mother the worse my life seems to be. i dont know what it is but we can't stay together for long periods of time. im not sure if she has noticed that but i sure have. hopefully this medicine will help me get better. now. i really dont want to have to go back to school on monday with my stupid nose all red and stuffy...like it is now. cursed nose. blah. cursed allergies. i am mad because the only song i have learned fully is 'hello' and i can't play any other evanescence songs because my piano sounds like absolute shit. very very bad sounding instrument. i will be asking for a new one the next time i see my family members across the state line. katrina i feel your pain about the whole guy in your first period handcuff situation. thanks to jose, every guy in fourth period thinks im some kinky sex freak who likes leather strapps and all that good stuff. he has an interesting imagination and it gets away from him far too often. non drowsy medicines make me tired and medicines that make other people sleep keep me awake. i am a strange person. i was thinking about missing school monday too if im not completely better but i cant do that. its killing me to see jesse and if he isnt there monday i will hurt him. i had a disturbing dream last night but it was so wierd because im not sure where it came from and it makes me wonder who i really like. sometimes i do that, something will happen and it will be like a sign or something (because i, for some odd reason, take almost everything as a sign) that i like someone else and then afterwards i start to think about it and then i really do start to like them and ugh, my head is so complicated i think one day its going to explode. i've spent all day looking for something to do but im all tired now and i dont feel like doing anything but then im still thinking of things to do. if i read then i will fall asleep, and if i fall asleep my mom will come in my room and start asking me questions thinking im really sick and wont leave me alone. i hate it when she does that, she comes home all the time and just takes naps and goes to sleep. whenever i try to do that she thinks im dying or something. so frustrating. i rented four movies yesterday and they have all been watched. the door in the floor (boring, kinda wierd and pointless) sky captian and the world of tomorrow (really cool) saw (disturbing, makes me want to put big locks on my doors and windows) and the forgotten (something about aliens but pretty good) mom got the little black book. i told her not to get it because it wouldnt be very good. but she never listens to me and always gets bad cheap movies that suck. she didnt even finish watching it. people should listen to me because most of the time i do know what im talking about. then again, i listen to me and that always messes things up.