well, i suppose miguel and i are dating now. we havent really said its official...but it might as well be. i never talked to jesse...i couldnt do it this morning, and at the pep rally i just decided to screw it sideways and stick with mike. i went to work today..for about an hour, because there was nothing to do, so danielle said i could go home...slow day. i got my first paycheck today. its disgracfully small. i am putting in for another job tomorrow. i was going to do it today on the way home..but it started raining and stuff so badly i just went home. besides, i'm really tired, and applications are exhausting. my mom's ex husband is here. oh my rejoicing is all but joyous. he came to 'visit' this weekend...with his boat. which is most likely the only reason my mom wanted him to come. they just left for the springs...i'm here at home. eddie was right...he did come back. i think i might just tell mike that we'll...try this for a while. and then see how it goes. for some reason i'm not feeling secure enough to be making final deicisions. such as this anyways. i was talking to kady in the library after lunch and she was saying how her and daryl were talking about how they wanted me and mike to go out. and daryl said that i had already went out with jesse so...why not give mike a chance now. well, after school, while mike and i went out from the pep rally holding hands...jesse seemed very..upset when he went past my car. i'm not sure why...but i'd like to know. michael..the other one..said it was because of his sister maybe...wierd. anyways... i want to go buy cds tomorrow. i should take my old cds...and go to palatka to sound garden, and trade them in for new ones..and other ones ...used. i've felt so out of it today. i have tons...(seemingly) of homework. but for once..none of its math. just english, chemistry, and economics. what fun. on the way to 6th period...i stopped to stand in the rain with katrina..which was awesome..and then i was late for class but i didnt really mind so much...chef asked me why i was late and i said that i got caught in the rain...then he asked how i got wet if i was under the shelter..i said i went in the rain on purpose...then he sort of looked at me funny and said "why?" and i said...because i like the rain...(why else, i was thinking) and then he just kind of took it and left it alone. What? is it so strange that a girl likes to walk in the rain..i think not. it was raining on my way home..i think i said that already..but i wanted to stop, get out...and play in it. oh how i love the rain. it just makes my day when it rains..and i can go and stand in it. i could just stand outside in the pouring rain for hours. and i'd be perfectly content to do so. except i havent exactly gotten the chance to do that yet. but someday i sware to you that i shall. i have the most intense urge to go hang out with my friends...i really really dont want to be sitting here all alone tonight...even though i'm extremely tired...i wish i could go to mike's house...he's having people over for a 'halo' party..and i could just go and hang out...i'd even sleep there. it would be better than sleeping here i think. yes, it would. i felt really wierd today. in what i was wearing...that dress thing...i wore it a lot last year and i was fine with everything i wore last year..but for some reason i've become a bit more self-conscience since then. i felt so akward today. it was wierd. i found myself wishing for a t shirt. i feel like i'm not the same person i was last year..i guess i'm not...not exactly. i actually have some money this weekend...but i'm not allowed to go anywhere. but hopefully daryl's mom will let him come over sunday and we can ....do homework or something..if he doesnt finish it before then. i want monday to be here. weekends arent fair..they should make them optional. Poetic Masturbation - Egotistical Ejactulation 'how to write a political poem' by Taylor Mali...wooness!!