great. now i am pissed off again. but now for a completely different reason...and a different person. ugh im so .....ahh. i want to smack him. he needs to be smacked. he isnt the only damn person in the world who has problems. he was so happy bc he had some attention....ha that didnt last long did it. i shud have siad something to both of them when this whole thing started off. i knew this would happen. i didnt think i'd be so soon...but i knew it would happen eventually. well, my mom's back from her vacation to disney land. she bought me a spoon. joy. i guess it's a good thing im not in school right now...i might go and start yelling at people. of course, sitting here with all this on my mind it might build up until monday and then it will all come out even worse. ugh....grr. so depressed.....i cut my arm again... not too bad tho...yet...the only good thing is that im writing alot...i can only write poetry when im depressed...deeply. i try to help people but they just make me so mad that i get all pissy and bitchy at them and then they feel all hurt because im too harsh. well you know what life isnt fair and it never will be. just like i said to him....life equals depression and pain...that's all there is to it. you just have to get used to it or get out. everyone has fucking problems. no one is safe from that. even happy people get depressed sometimes. if he wanst in another state i'd grab his shoulders and give him a good shake. i sware. you people and your love. oooh you got turned down twice....big fucking deal. i got dumped three times and cheated on twice....i got over it didnt i. oh but i cant use me as an example bc i have a bf now and that's supposedly makes me happy....no it doesnt. it just gives me someone to be happy about every now and then. especially not now tho...when im stuck at home doing jack shit without anyone. he wasnt even close to those two people. both times it was a hey nice to meet you...let's get into this thing i like to call a relationship....even tho it isnt even that. it's just some fling thingy. wow big loss there. a few days....so much time to get attatched. ok i just need to breath. i dont care anymore. he can deal with this himself. apparently im not helping any so why should i keep trying. i give up. do whatever you want dude. just dont say i never cared.