tomorrow is the 15th. the movie i've been waiting to see for about 8 months now is coming out tomorrow. the person i wanted to go with...i havent heard a word from in a week. i sent him two emails..i dont know his number. he has mine...he hasn't called. he knows that we've been planning to go for months..and that it's tomorrow. i really really wanted to see daryl. but i guess...that i'm not going to. he better have some damn good excuse for not at least trying to call me. this will damage our friendship. i really need to talk to him. and i can't stop crying...saying he wanted to see me so bad...well why isnt he trying. i went to davy's...she got her liscence today. we went to st augustine...just like i told my mom the other night. she knew...i told her. she was on the phone today when i got back home. we didnt get back to palatka until 3. we went to the mall...so davy could see her stupid boyfriend. i took her..let her drive my own fucking car. and i tried to call my mom before we left but no one answered. so we went. i didnt even go inside so say bye to her parents...i dropped her off and went home. the whole way there i was so scared that she'd be mad at me. i wasnt sure why..but i had this feeling she'd be mad. luckily she was on the phone. i didnt mean to be home so late. she never told me a time to be back. i tried to call. it wasnt my fault. she left me a note...to clean my room or i couldnt go to the movies tomorrow. well...i've been doing that. and it's nearly spotless. it passed her test. she said i could go. she fussed at me for being late. she fussed at me to take some college night course this year. which i am apparently wheither i like it or not. i guess i'm taking comp. joy. she talked to my dad about it. said that i'd have some chores around the house now..and that if she had any trouble with me to let him know. what complete utter bullshit. i've had chores in my house since i was 7 and my mom married that ass hole. i've done chores my whole fucking life and she is acting like all i do is sit around and be lazy and drive places. i've been broke because i used all my savings to pay for my car. of course i'm going to go a few places. while i had money. now i'm broke and i'm waiting to hear from the places i put in applications for. fuckers. i most likely wont get any of them. i'll probably have to just sit at home and wait until school starts so i can afford fucking gas prices. so great. now my dad is going to have a 'talk' with me about doing things around the house. what fucking unfair bullshit. and no..it's not my mother or father who i hate. four fucking days. not a single word. he probably lost my number. there are about a billion ward's...in the phone book. tomorrow morning i have to call my orthodontist because one of my brackets came off of my tooth so i need to get that fixed tomorrow if possible. and then my mom wants me to go grocery shopping for her. and then i'm going to georgia early. just so my mom can have a long weekend with her ex husband. she swares this is the last time she'll be seeing him. sure. davy's birthday party is next sunday. the 24th...i was gonna ask daryl to be my escort. if i dont see him...i guess i'll just find someone else. i have no idea who...but if i cant.. i'll just not dress up with her and go by myself like kady. or i could just go with kady. yeah...sounds like fun. not that there's anything wrong with kady...that's not the point here. so i wont be at home tomorrow except when i wake up...and after i get finished with the dentist. i have to meet my mom at work at 1 30...which means i'll be leaving my house at 1. and then i have to go to wal mart and buy stuff. then i'm going home. and my mom and i are heading to georgia. well..she's going to the beach..i'm going to fucking georgia. to let my dad fuss at me too. but i'll just take it like i always do. with my mouth shut. and trying my best to hold back tears. i'm way too damn sensitive. i cry at almost everything. except movies...they never make me cry...it's real life stuff. i started balling in the shower earlier because of what my mom said to me. or maybe it was because of something else. if i dont hear from daryl tomorrow. i...well..i dont know what i'll do. but it will really make me sad. maybe it was because my mom gave me another speech about how the world isnt any fun. how people only want to bring you down...and how when i get in the 'real world' i wont like it at all. and it will be a 'wake up call' so she says. i think i've had my share of evil people. and how the 'world' works. i think i can handle it. yeah...just like i'm handling this. ha...when school starts i wont have time for any boys. i'll have high school, college, a job, family. i'll be too damn busy to do anything. i'll have lots of home work i'm sure. this year i will have to start really studying for tests. if my grades get below an 87 it's hello school bus once again. fuck. bloody fucking fuck. i feel like i'm being pathetic. but you just dont understand. if you've had a person in your life that you aboslutely needed them to be there with you alot of you'd just...die...then you probably know how i feel right about now...seeing as how i havent seen him but once in two months...and that was only for a few minutes. great now my mom says that we aren't leaving until saturday morning again. she's worried..about something..i was only half paying attention. god this is depressing.