im bored. i've been looking at this magazine that i bought monday...for a reason i have yet to find....and its very depressing. all those hot chicks. man i sware. if that isnt depressing i dont know what is...even in the ads, not an smigen of fat. makes me feel like less of a girl...since all the others seem to be so...beautiful.....what happened to me?!?!?!?!?! i mean really....why couldnt i have been one of the lucky ones....i'd rather be insanly skinny and boyish than curvy and ...well, i'll just say chunky, chubby, icky....blah. this shit sucks, man. why does everyone have to look so damn perfect...hollywood needs to burn in hell. watching bettlegues.....i love this movie. i love that girl, she's awesome. i like her hat...and her hair. her parents are a lot stranger than mine though. parents never understand. i wrote a new poem this morning in second period...i was so depressed i guess i got inspired...it kinda sucks though. i might post it tomorrow, i dont feel like going in my room to dig it out of my folder...yes im lazy. everybody likes mike.....cathy was just the lucky one who got a chance i guess...i used to like him..last year..and little this beginning school year...but i dunno. i think we're too good of friends now to ever go that far....he kisses me on the cheek sometimes too....i guess he does that to everyone...gee, i hope nothing i say gets out...i'd hate for all that to happen again...*has a sarcastic, annoyed look*... STUPID WHORE WHO THINKS ITS FUN TO SEDUCE OTHER GIRL'S BOYFRIENDS...YOU NEED TO DIE. I HOPE YOUR BOOBS FALL OFF. YOUR UGLY AND YOU SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO SKANK UP THE HALLWAYS WITH YOUR NASTY SLUT WAYS...FUCK YOU FOR BEING A SLUT!! mmm...that makes me feel a little better...i'd like to say it to her face though. i dont even know the girl and i hate her....that's happened before.......... i wish i had a new piano. mine sounds like crap. it makes good songs sound like crap. it's just crap. i have to recite my poem thursday...i really dont want to do it. i should have gone first...everyone else has had really good ones...mine sucks....and its not even based on anything imporant...just people dying and their last minutes alive....or why they died...wow...so original shut up when im talking to you i hope jesse is at school tomorrow...i still want to yell at him...of course when i see him it will probably all go away....but thats not the point...he needs to be there. i need him to be there....i NEED it.... CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY COMES OUT JULY 15TH....YAY!!! i cant wait to see it...july is soo far away. im already looking forward to next school year....maybe over the summer i can work on a diet or something..when i get depressed i eat...i wish it was when i get depressed i dont eat...that would be a lot easier...i eat way too much anyways. i think michael was right..im making to big a deal of this summer thing with jesse...im sure we'll both be fine...maybe i dont like him as much as i think...im actually relived summer is coming and we're breaking up...the pressure to commit scares me. the first few weeks are always easy...you dont really have to do anything. its just your dating and the hard stuff comes later....which is probably why i hardly make it past the first few weeks...they always want me to go places and do things with them...and i cant. because my mother is evil. but when i get the chance to go somewhere....i dont want to. i lack the self confidence to even go on a date. how pathetic am i. oh the self loathing....isnt is annoying...ok i'll stop...honestly, i will never be done...but i'll stop for now...just to save your soul!!! shhhhh........