well, it seems that i'll either have to make this a friend's only diary...or watch what i say. apparently it's getting around. seems no one can say anything to my face, i have to find everything else from other people. it's getting old. something happend and cathy found out what i had said a few entries back about miguel...which i find stupid that she was i understand, upset about it. she's a very pretty and nice girl i'd hate her to be mad at me for something. anyways, mike told me about that at lunch. so yeah, i thought i'd share. i'm still really tired. my grandmother took me shopping this weekend, she thinks im anorexic or something because i kept saying i wanted to find pants that made my legs look smaller. ( i think they're big...but she thinks i have a problem) so what, i can think whatever i want. just because they're smaller than hers, that doenst mean they couldnt be even smaller. i hate my body anyways, so i dont really care what she says. or anyone else for that matter. ....yes i'm cranky. im tired and i keep having things to do. we only have three weeks left of school. jesse wasnt at school today. i knew he wouldnt be. it's monday he cant come to school then. (i wish she would stop talking to me!!) you would think he'd want to spend all the time he could with me on our last three weeks. but apparently not. i like him a lot. but he cant know. our relationship is going to end on may 27th and that's it. nothing else. we're going to say goodbye for the summer and things will be fine. i'll miss him so much. and it makes me cry at night to think i wont see him and that i wont have him any more. he's so wonderful, this is so hard. but i cant tell him that, why? because. if we stayed together and couldnt see each other over the whole summer....that wouldnt really make much sense. jesse is a guy and guys get lonely, and find ways to change that. he will probably meet some girl over the summer (that he can see whenver he wants) and i dont want him to be thinking of me while he is trying to get with someone else. it's for the best. but it still makes me so sad. maybe i'll meet someone over the summer, ....yeah i know. probably not. most likely not. but hey, a girl can dream can't she..... working on this stupid scrap book for art. i cant figure out what to fill these 40 pages with. i was thinking about making a page for all of my friends...yeah, that's a good idea. i think i'll do that. cept that leaves some pages still.....oh well. i have three weeks, i'll think of something. I GET MY LISCENCE THIS THURSDAY...!!! THAT'S ONLY THREE DAYS AWAY! yay. im so happy. then i can go driving legally now without my mom...yay. no more law breaking....man i have to get some sleep tonight. i might stay home from school one day this week just to sleep. i'm going to bed early tonight...but watch, even if i went to bed right now...(7 o clock) i'll still be very tired in the morning when i get to school. eh, well, mike is suposed to bring me candy...that might help. i want a milkshake.