today was difficult to live with. it started off ok. josh told me on the way to first that paul has a gf now. that was not that bad bc i really dont know him but yea thats a different story.. ok i was writting a note to darryl in second period and i was like your a guy how can i tell if jesse likes me, and he said that he had jesse in fourth period and that he would talk to him about it. so i was like ok w.e. and then i saw jesse at lunch and everything was fine and dandy. things were great. then i went to fourth period, and blah blah blah, we had some laughs in art. and then, when i got to fifth darryl came in and he said he talked to jesse like he said he would and he had said that he heard me and him were going out, so jesse said no. then darryl asked him why not and jesse siad....because im going out with someone else. when i heard that, i cant even explain what it felt like. it was like someone telling you out of no where, your having a great day, and then someone says your mom just died. oh wow, fun times. so then i was all upset, i wanted to cry and i started to a little in sixth. but im going ahead of myself....i got to sixth and i was really not very happy and mike came in and i asked him if he knew that jesse had a gf and he said yea and i asked him how long it had been and mike said he thinks it was since friday. so i was like, oh. then i didnt move, or talk or do anything i just stared at the floor , thats all i could do. mike passed me a not and asked me what was wrong and i told him and im guessing he showed jesse bc him and jesse started talking about it too. apparently jesse didnt know that i liked him, which i dont see how he didnt bc well, i guess from now on when i like someone ill just have to come straight out and damn tell them. and when i heard that jesse had a gf the first thing i thought was he doesnt like me, he likes someone else more than me , why am i not ever good enough. which made myself esteem go from 0 to the negative which always makes me feel all warm inside... mike told me that he didnt know, and then he cudnt just break up with the girl bc then he'd be an ass. which i understand completely and i wudtn want him to break up with her for me. i wud never want someone to do that, its not fair. but he said that jesse did like me but yea. oh well its all screwed up now. i didnt speak to him at all i didnt even look at him. i cudnt. i dont even know what will happen tomorrow, it will probably be worse than today. but yea, that really hurt when i heard jesse was going out with someone else, i figured my curse of bad luck with guys i like was going around again. its about time something bad with a guy happened to me. i've gotten off easy this year. well except that whole deal with zach but thats acient history, i cant stand the bastard. but anyways, thats what happened to me today. and it sucked. and i dont know if ill feel any better tomorrow. bc i really , really....really feel like crap now. cheers!...