well, i think it's time for a confession. yesterday i was getting some lyrics for thomas, and josh was on. he im'd me. i said...so you wanna talk to me now...of course he acted like he didnt know what i was talking about...so i told him..lately it seemed like he didnt want to speak to me at all. so he said...he just has this thing with me. and yeah..i have this thing with him. but..it's something i cant help. he pissed me off severly with just...his usual bullshit. so i got offline becuase he just signed off. and then i went outside to find miriah and i found her and we went for a walk and i got a cigarette from mike and when i came back to him he was upset. i asked him what was wrong and he said nothing so i walked away thinking he was mad at me. he didnt know that i was upset..at least i dont think...except that i walked away from him so that meant something..then he kind of avoided me for a little bit..then he decided to come over and stand with me so i let him. later on we walked away from everyone and talked. it's amazing how we have such similar problems...no wonder we go together so well. we're so alike...and yet..so different...but those are only the little things. but..it makes me upset sometimes when he does this. we've talked about it before but things always bother him. everyone goes to him for advice and help..just like they come to me. and i know he doenst want them to stop..becuase i dont. but sometimes it gets overwhelming and sometimes you just dont know what to say and there is a person here expecting to listen to what you have to say..and then go out and do what you told them to do. that's a lot to have on yourself...what if it doenst work..and when it doesnt..they blame you..or he blames himself. he always blames himself for everything. and i cant figure out how to stop it. he cant either. he's tried talking writing everything..i dont know what to do. he's so afraid that something's going to happen between us and i'm going to break up with him. he practically said that he was afraid of losing me..and that he's just waiting for something to happen. i wish i could make him understand how much i know what he's going through...anyone can say that but i really do. i always think of the worst things..i know that mike would never leave me and he would never hurt me..but of course..i think of ways that he might...i've thought of ways that he could just rip my heart out and stomp on it..but i know he wont. he loves me too much and i love him to death. and it made me kind of mad that he doesnt have that much faith in our relationship..or even me..to not expect something bad to happen. i mean.i've thought about things like that sure..but it doenst bother me to the point of being depressed or angry about it. and all his friends come to him with their problems..and sometimes he just doenst want to hear it. but mike is a good person to trust and everyone knows that..so that's why they pick him to listen. and...god..i just love him so much, it drives me crazy that there's nothing i can do to help him. i dont know what i could do. he's too busy worrying about me or him making a mistake..and it ending our relationship. the only thing in our relationship that i'm worried about..would be him graduating. i dont know what we'll be like by next may...but that's the only and his step dad is a fucking ass. i only met him for five minutes yesterday but i can tell he treats mike like shit. and nothing bad should happen. but hey...you know. i'm sure it probably will. i'm waiting for it, too. maybe i should ask him if his life would be easier to deal with if he didnt have to worry about something happening with me.