hey everyone who cares...which isnt much of you, jake is gone on a band trip to boston. so he, liz, and davy all left me. i wish i cud talk to jake, especially today. last night i asked my mother why she and my father divorced. she wudnt tell me. we both cried. i cudnt help it. i tried to hold it in but i just cudnt. she told me they just drifted apart which im sure happened too but i kno there is more and i used to not want to know what it all was but for some reason i do now. and she said it wasnt ever worth it but its important for me to know these things. she keeps so much from me. i want josh so bad. he said today that he had been feeling bad and it was bc he wasnt going out with me. i wish he wasnt leaving. i just want to crawl in a hole and never leave it. my life will be so depressing over summer and next year...and the rest of my life until one day when i finally get over him. i never ever thought i wud ever be so wrapped up in a guy. but i guess it happens to everyone. i wish i cud just hold him forever and never let him go. but i have to. i wish we could just run away together and never come back to this damn town or to any of our parents. and just be together, just us, nothing to worry about. no leaving or moving. just happy. but i can only wish that...its highly impossible, not to mention improbable. but oh well, there will always be a part of him in my heart, no matter who i meet in my future.