I'm sorry I was so hateful. Daryl's the only person who I let myself get close to. I don't mean to say that none of my other friends are kept from my life...but there are some things that I just can't tell everyone. I won't let myself. Last year the person I confided in was Jake. Well, this year, and at the end of the last one, our friendship kind of...well...disinigrated. So I had to find someone new to be my emotional rock. I do tell a good deal of my friends what's going on with me...but Daryl I just don't hold anything back from, and well, I can't help that. Eddie used to be that kind of person for me, but I try my best to stop myself from pouring out my soul to him (like I did last night) because I know that he doesn't care about me in the way that I need him to. So it just doesn't count. Besides, he's not the best person to chat with if you have a big problem...and he's not one to share his own in the same. I just wish that today could have been different. This whole week actually. So I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I have to come back tuesday, for the college thing (and my otho. app. is that morning) (stupid dentists are at a convention) so I will try my best to talk with him before next Sunday. I showed Davy my dress yesterday. Apparently she does not have the same appreciation for it that Melissa and I do. That's ok though. Mom said that I could try to put it on layaway, but I really don't think they'll do that at a thrift store. I'll see though. For one thing if i don't have 60 dollars all at once, where am I going to get money to pay for it little by little. I don't know what she was thinking. the week after Davy's party, I'm going to go apply for some more jobs. Davy says she'll go with me and do the same, but she's way too busy to get a job. Maybe. Even if I hate it with the most passion in me, I'll do it. I desperatly need it. Not only for the money to get around, but also to just be able to get out of the house, and have a purpose in leaving. If anyone actually read that whole ...well or even part...of that last entry, I congradulate you. I wouldn't even read that whole mess of shit. I was mostly venting to myself, because no one else was here. I don't think my mom noticed I had been crying when she came in the room and said that we weren't leaving until tomorrow. We could still leave today...since I'm not going to see that movie. I guess she's already changed the plans. I've literally forgotten about dating anyone when school starts back. I honestly don't think I'll have the time. Like my parents continuously remind me, these people won't pay my bills. Yes, exact words. So in real terms, the friends I have now are no help to me, and won't ever be. Which of course is completely bull, but what does she know about my life. Last night when in the shower, I was thinking about what my dad might say to me. Then I thought about what I wanted to say to him. Which I never will. This was supposed to be a really short entry. I need therapy.