Why am I so god damn petrified of this. Some days I think, well, if it's meant to be then I'll go away and come back and it will all be great. but at the same time I dont want to waste all this time to have us end in some terrible way because I'm not there and he is. I'm scared of it ending after trying so hard to keep it together. I want to fast forward. I think that if we just broke up before I leave it would be hard but it would be the easiest decision. I could get through it. but should I have to? I love him. we can't go a night without seeing eachother and sleeping next to eachother. how will we go weeks at a time? I don't know what's going to happen, and I hate that. I hate no knowing and I hate that I think about things even when they're months away and I hate that I can't just fast forward to 4 years and be with him and be happy like I am.. with him. I feel like this could be nothing, but I also feel like, if I'm willing to admit to myself that I could spend the rest of my life with him, doesn't that mean something? babbling like this usually helps. it's a temporary fix. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's not down the road.