ahhh. a month. everything and nothing has happened in a month. I bought my car! yayy. I hate the job I have.. hate it. but it's a job I guess.. I was so sure.. SO sure I was over ben. I just, I don't know. I miss him, I do. I think a part of it is the lack of attention I am getting from other parties (ha).. I miss who I am with him, I think. I don't really know. My mistake was going to see him thursday night.. big mistake. lack of attention: hmm. well lets start with chris professing his undying love for me.. and then when I said dude, no... he wouldn't give it up. I distanced myself and everything.. I did it all the way I should have, and i still found him calling morgan for advice about me. Of course she called me and I was like tell him no, tell him that I dont think i'm in a good place right now and NO NO NO. she did. He said it was worth trying. JESUS! seirously?! have a little dignity and quit while you're ahead. because sooner or later.. (especially if you're going to continue to cock block me(is there a more lady like term for that?)) god. night before halloween: playtime with nicky... grrrreat playtime. loved it. i then discovered a mysterious bruise on my thigh... kind of like a paw print.. like a grab... 5 fingers and a mysterious bite mark... whattt? it is kind of hot actually but shh. halloween: I was tom cruise in risky business. SO cute. I had the song and the candle stick holder.. the whole deal. I looked great. my legs looked great. one of the boys on peaks love LOVED it. He kept saying how great my legs looked blah blah but of course chris was cockblocking me. terrible really. but I got his number from morgan and someday somehow I'm going to send him a little text and say LETS MAKE OUT. I've turned into a little make out skank.. sorta. It's fun to play around.. but... I have a pit in my stomach about nick.. I don't know why. Isn't it too soon? I was just in this relationship for three and a half years... is it bad to fall for someone... I mean.. i'm leaning that way. I think. You see I can never tell.. I can't tell if I feel like this because he is no longer chasing me.. or if I actually legitimately want him. I don' t knoww. I saw him briefly last night.. I looked like crap.. ugh. he's just so cute, and delicate.. and actually smart... wow. intelligence. and ugh I don't know... he puts a smile on my face.. in a weird way. He's going to the pub tonight for trivia... a couple weeks in a row I've told him to stop over after work but he doesn't.. too tired he says. lame. he doesn't text me anymore.. no drunken inappropriate.. funny.. texts. nothing. fail. should I give up.. i mean does that mean he's kind of done with it? I mean I've tried the pals hanging out approach.. I've tried the just banging approach... I don't know whatttt or whooo or what. I just wanna snuggle on the couch and watch dexter ok? ugh.