fucking stupid. he's "talking" to some other girl.. ahahahahhahahah cause he's fucking gay. and he takes it up the asss. yes, he does. oh, because he didn't act like nothing was whatever this morning. noooo. hahahaaaaa he thinks he's playing me? please. nope. he can call me or whatever. I don't care. he's fucking stupid.. ohhhhh ho and sooo what about the game where he attempts to get whatever with whoever and then if that falls through.. haaaa ha. yeah with me to fall back on? uhh NO. I am so angry. how could I let myself slip. even that little? its fucking stupid. I am not even sad. no not sad, but angry and just frustrated. I can't let him think that he played me.. that he ended it... that I was the one who wanted him. noppe. it doesn't work like that. I'm heartless. I dont care who I hurt. I have to keep telling myself this. then it will really be true. ahh I need someone. I need johnny, I love johnny. I need sex. that's all that I have. the only thing that I feel keeps me sane. and that I feel okay with.. and wanted.. and cared about. it's not enough for someone to just care about me. that doesnt count. I can't identify with taht.. it just doesn't work. none of this makes sense. ridiculous rambling.