I am so frustrated and angry and tired and overwhelmed and engrossed and tangled and hurt and happy and unsatisfied. All at once. I don't know how or why I just feel like nothing works. I'm not even happy.. Shouldn't I be? This whol l word thing is getting to me.. How he doesn't make me a priority.. How he doesn't put me first. Shouldn't he want to talk to me when he gets out of work and just let me know what's going on.. If he wants to see me. I know the truck thing is really upsetting him.. I drew him something on paint and I hoped it would make him at least smile but he got offended and thought I was mocking him. I ran my hands through his head for a while.. He fell asleep almost immediately. Again. And that upset me. He didn't work today.. Why didn't he tell me? If he had a day off shouldn't I have seen him before 7? I know he has things he has to do but every night? Does he need to blow me off completely? And not call.. When we had planned to just hang around togetter all Sunday. I feel like he doesn't try.. That he makes no effort what so ever. And he doesn't. And now.. Its starting to hurt that I try so hard sometimes and he doesn't. Its like hell see me after 8 when its convenient and he falls asleep immediately. I don't know why this has started to bother me this much lately.. I just don't need to deal with it. Why do I let myself feel like this. Why has everything failed to work out entirely. Fuck.