I know exactly what I want. Not the kind of person or personality..because I just want someone I click with.. but I want a relationship, where I trust the person. completely...whoaaa trust. I want them too feel the way I feel about them, and I want to be happy. I want to be what Jesse is to Mel.. what Eric is to Alex.. I wake up in the morning and little things motivate me to go, let alone wake up. It varies from day to day, person to person, event to event. I am sleeping too much again.. I slept until 8;30 this morning, and was asleep by 12 last night.. that is 8 1/2 hours. I shouldn't have felt so shitty, I shouldn't have been so tired. I worked yesterday.. joy. I need a new job, like sundays and a couple afternoons a week. I need money and something to keep me busy. Alex and Eric are so happy...they talk nightly and don't get annoyed.. they argue and fight but the end result is always a smile and a kiss. I want someone to respect me to the point where when I leave, they kiss my forehead, not attack me at the mouth... they hold my hand as opposed to grouping me in public... they care. ish?... maybe I ask far too much of people.?.. maybe i have this line drawn.. I will go below it and above it but never within it. I mean, kevin richards is a perfect example of me going below it.. as if I could ever care about him.. rolf. but uhh my head aches are coming back.. and I have a cold. my immune system is shutting down.. basically. and uhh I am technically grounded for another 2 weeks. thanks. I need to go get some caffeine pills . much later.