today was especially windy. cold. the wind just blew and blew, so hard that I couldn't breathe. my lungs don't have the capacity, they couldn't handle the force of the air into my trachea. Other than wind it was beautiful... cold.. but beautiful. there was sun. ben sent me the greatest picture of honey, she has snow on her nose and she's playing. my mind has been racing, my face certainly shows it. love is tricky. painful. things are tricky. decisions are horrible. I don't know how to make up my mind about things. I don't know how to decide.