I feel like.. who ever I am with should be as happy to be with me as I am with them. should want to adventure and play but also snuggle and sleep. be there when I need them. but give me space all the same. I want to be read like a book.. but have a little bit of mystery left. surprised with flowers. brought soup when I'm sick. loved. I want to be loved in the way that I love you. I want those little text messages saying you miss me in the middle of the night, but I want us to be seperate people. I want to laugh and giggle and smile and cry and be your world. I don't want to depend on eachother every moment. but enough.. to know that we're there. I don't know why I'm crying. I think its out of realization and clarity and happiness. I think this is good that this happened now. god. I have soo much happening so soon. I'm going away. Im taking a huge step. the next step. and either way I'd be leaving you. and I think you know I love you. and thats big. I realized that I know what I want. I know what I need. I know what I can handle, and I know that I needed you. and you were there all that time. and you'll still be around. but I'm good with just me. There are people who love me. who are in love with me. and I ignored them. they were nothing compared to you. and they're still nothing in comparison.. but they're something.. and they care likeyou do. and there are so many of them.. the ones I don't talk to every day or see every day... but think about. and treasure. I don't know why this has just come to me.. I was watching you've got mail on tv... maybe it was talking to j.. I don't really know. I want to talk to you. but I'm not going to. I want to tell you I miss you. but I'm not going to... you know it. I don't think I have to say it. none of it needs to be said. you know. and I'm okay with it all. for real. okay.