I've flirted with, slept next to, and had dinner with a boy... and we haven't slept together. We haven't kissed... we haven't done anything but laugh and snuggle and talk... It's a very strange feeling. He constantly compliments me.. he tells me how fantastic I am... So this is perfect right? I'm building that foundation I've been promising myself?

He's so sweet. If anything.. he is. But what I am questioning is how I feel about him, and all of this. I think usually by now I am annoyed by the compliments and the persistency... so what do I do? I would be leading him on if we keep acting like this and I decide I'm not interested, wouldn't I be?

What if I like him! Of course this situation isn't without it's flaws... he doesn't have a home. Well... I mean he is sleeping on some friends couch... and he's a musician so I guess that has its positives and negatives. He's very talented though, and he's just absolutely infatuated. smitten, even. He doesn't have a phone. We communicate via fbook messages because he has an inactive iphone, and the messages send directly to my blackberry... It's weird and cute.. he's adorable. I think this whole taking it slow situation is making a huge difference.. I don't know, he is just so sweet.

This is horrible, but I am scared of feeling embarrassed. I am not necessarily embarrassed by him or even Mason or Markus but I am scared of being embarrassed so I distance myself... I make sure there is a certain degree of separation and I don't know how to get over it. I need someone with the stronger personality, who doesn't let me push them around.. I need someone to wear the friggan pants and make me get a grip... give me a decision.. someone worth making that decision for!!

I like Mason a bunch... I do. And that scares me. I'm scared that he's too young, too fragile, I'm scared of what I will inevitably do to him... ugh. he's such a child in some ways, it's so frustrating... I don't want to break him, that would be terrible. And I certainly don't want to leave him with something he won't be able to get over.