These thoughts run through my head, they're running in circles. Who am I playing these games with? Am I playing games? I don't understand why I can't be happy.. even satisfied with just one. Or why I can't pick one. How hard is it to make a decision?

Why do I invest in the ones I shouldn't... and crush the ones I should keep around?

I went out saturday, I saw markus... I am just want him. so bad.. and I have no idea why or how. I hope it isn't because he makes me work for it... because he just seems so uninterested. the other night.. what happened the other night.

We were at andrews for a while and I was playing some card game.. kind of with him because I didn't know how to play. Eventually we went up to the legion.. he and connor had to stay. I asked him if he was going to play with me after.. or something. and he wouldn't commit, of course. When we left the house I was like sleep. over. and he said, maybe you (i dont get the you part?) and I said COME ON..

5 minutes later he asked if I was coming back, I said i was going to finish my beer, he said no, I said I'll be so soon... no answer.. so I said are you going to wait and play?

he said, if you come play now... hahah I said so you want me right now? he was like Quit playing games are you coming? haha so I was like I'm comingggg! and I left.