hmm christmas is an interesting holiday. I don't like it very much. I could do with out it. But I did get new ski boots so I should be prettty damn happy. Speaking of happy, 'tis exactly what I am... Kiera and I stayed up until 3 talking about everything the other night... including eric. 2 years ago yesterday Eric Whitten (her father) was diagnosed with ALS (aka lou gerigs disease). Now this is a disease that eats away at your muscles leaving you immobile and eventually it over takes your body and you are unable to breathe, speak, blink etc. Eric Whitten died january sixth 2004. about 353 days ago. Kiera is holding up much better than I am, which I don't understand. Though she has no other choice than to be strong. We cried a bit and talked about life as well as happiness and depression. Shes one of the few people that sees through me. Though thats not necessarily a good thing... We came to a conclusion that I was quite happy about; I appear dependent on boyfriends for happiness.. (av... 2 weeks later bruce which lasted 2 weeks... then there was kyle a little while after that, which was just under a month.) Basically I was under the impression that I needed other people to make me happy. And I was inbetween friends.. I was sick of the old ones... and not quite close enough to the new ones... And yeah I can't blame it all on that but oh well. Sooo I have been in a really good mood lately. A;so that she just needs a caring & very good looking boyfriend that isnt scared shitless of her and will be there for her. (good luck to her?) Then we called Kyle. Kiera thinks steve-o is gorgeous (ewww) so we called and got steves number... I think that pissed him off a bit?.. Then he felt the need to tell me things I didnt want to know .. etc etc So anywho he was in a dumb mood and he wouldnt tell me what was wrong so I was laughing my ass off being dumb and he got really mad... and then yeah. I think he thinks he needs to spare my feelings. When truthfully theres not much left (that I am allowing) so theres no reason for him to hold back.. He's stopped talking to me altogether... or stopped talking about actual things rather than dumb small talk. I am content. That's all. I walk into obsession Makes the world go round We're made up by the people we surround So we live and die for shit we don't need Well maybe, it's the price of envy With these eyes I look out for me But everyone fades away who don't see Nothing's gonna change Why we're going down in flames SoI'm not the one Don't wait for me Cause I won't just sit by While you just bleed Myself and others try Don't wait for me To be there in the end When you don't see The truth you just pretend Don't wait for me What is the solution We already know There's no telling how far this could go No You're near your time but you just don’t see Cause you'’re just Part of this game There's nothing you can do to save yourself You leave your life in the hands of someone else You'll never let it go It's the only way you know I'm not the one Don't wait for me Cause I won't just sit by While you just bleed Myself and others try Don't wait for me To be there in the end When you don't see The truth you just pretend Don't wait for me When did we begin To let ourselves give in How'd it come to this Miserable bliss Just take the rest of Just take the best of me until. pocketaces177: ah well my dad went to his house i guess cuz he though him and my mom were having an affair or whatever and they got into a fight and this guy(his name is al) decides to get his bat and beat my dad in the head with it pocketaces177: several times The fact that the most caring and amazing people.. or anyone for that matter would have to go through that.. knowing what happened to their father in that sense is the most horrific thing. I cried so hard when he told me that... The fact that he hadn't known for all these years... until last night and of all people.. finding out by erica... and the person who did happened to be his childhood hero.. To be in kiera's or Matt's shoes would be the most horrifying thing I could ever think of. Year after year.... knowing you won't ever see him again.... gahhh and all this last night... blahhhhh