All the signs are there: I'm jealous... I smile.. I wait... I think.

All the signs. But I don't want the anticipation of a text message or the invites to stop. I don't want the excitement to go away or for you to fall hard like they usually do. Too hard too fast, and then it's done. I want you to let me chase you a little longer... I want you to tell me how you feel, and most of all I want this to be real.

If this is going to be anything, I don't want it to be because of our past.. because of what happened. I'm not sure I'm looking for where ever this is heading. I'm actually positive I am not. I want my cake and I want to eat it too. I have a feeling this will end badly... I have a feeling you're already tumbling and there's no stopping it.

I like you... I do! wow, do I. but I'm still not comfortable talking about you to people, I wouldn't be comfortable talking about how much we see eachother. hey! you're the one who called me the cold hearted bitch... you're the one who said they didn't care.

I care... I do. It's all so twisted. your innocence makes me laugh, your smile is just too cute, and your inability to understand my sarcasm is just irresistible. I don't want where this is going. And I can't imagine you do either.

The things like, when you insist on having your arm around me... clutching me.. holding my hand.. when we watch tv.. When you insist on holding my hand.. and around your roommates? I think holding hands means more. It means more than kissing, more than messing around. holding hands means relationships... means PDA... means seriousness.

ohhh but I love the way you wrap your arms around me... I do. I've gotten used to you holding me while I sleep, last night I slept so much; so well. I wasn't ready to get up. so, what is the problem? If it came down to it would I date you? exclusively? I just don't have an answer for that. I would hope that I would not.. that I would continue what I was doing and not go down that road again. Not for a while at least. I'm not ready to answer to someone else.. or have a responsibility, or a level of guilt.

And I am certainly not ready for your level of obsession. I don't do well when I am worshipped. I don't want things to change with us, not just yet. I don't want you to proclaim your undying love for me; not now. Can you do that; hold off?

The word cute comes to mind when I think of you... the way you act.. the way you dress.. the way you smile.

I can't believe you slept over.. I can't believe you came over and stayed in my bed while larry was home. Your lack of caring is so funny to me... it seemed like it didn't even phase you. and you just watched me in my element.. getting ready.. doing stuff.. it was so weird, but good. It was a good weird.

I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship. I know I'm not... so you tell me what to want, what to expect.. keep me guessing because that's the only way I'll last. Otherwise I will get bored and give up. You make me smile, and that's all that matters but let's not mess this up, ok?