I need to sleep. I can't make myself feel better. I napped today. and had dreams. him.we were just rolling around. his arms around me. my back was bare. why why why why why why. why are my eyes welling up. why do I care. WHY do I have the urge to call him and say I know I said I don't want to see you, and I know you want to be with her, but just for a while. could we lay, could you hold me. I'm dieing. and I don't want to be anywhere but with you. and it hurts. so bad.and I want to call him. so bad. I want him to call me. why can't I just be angry. I can deal with angry. I can't deal with this. there is absolutely nothing I can do to make this better. nothing. how could I let another person do this to me. let another person absolutely tear me apart. I've always had my guard up. I've always been so strong. impossible to break. why would I let him break me. why did he mean more to me than I will ever mean to him? what is so wrong with me, I literally built my life around him. for 2 years. and.. why. for what? I didn't know it was possible to feel like this.