My hours got cut back to fridays and saturdays. the 14th the new schedule started.. and until this week I was super busy doing things and going away and then I came back and had my wisdom stolen so I was sick all week and with ben cause he apparently is the most caring thing in the world. so I have nothing to do. I need to find another job deal, I need to do something and not lay around I'll go crazy. I have to get all the school stuff in this week. I don't know what I'm doing with that. I'm scared. scared of leaving, scared of not leaving scared of hating it, scared of loving it I'm scared I'll come home every weekend to see him I'm scared we won't stay together and everything will change, but also, I'm scared that we will stay together that I'll be with him for a while and things will only get worse and I'll end up with him forever and in some ways I want to be with him forever but other ways I don't. not at all. I don't know why I think about these things. I don't know why I'm so scared. I worked my ass off to go away to school, there's no reason for me to get such high anxiety about things. I'm scared of every outcome. so scared. so tired. I wish it weren't hard like this.