I'm at school. it's still a little overwhelming but it's going to be ok I think. I miss ben. I miss him so much. leaving him pretty much tore me apart. I stayed over saturday night, he brought me home sunday morning.. by the middle of mitchell road the tears just ran down my face, and by the time we got in my drive way I looked at him and we were both crying. I just leaned over and kissed him and put my cheek next to his, the tears running between our skin. I just cried and cried and he cried with me. I told him I loved him so much, I couldn't make myself get out of the car. so we sat and cried. I was so upset. leaving him broke my heart. Right now, he is the love of my life, he's my best friend, he is my complete support system, and I just walked away from that. So I could go to school. He's coming friday, I can't wait. I just, it seems silly but I love him so much, I don't know how I could possibly leave him like that. He called me last night, we talked on the phone for almost a half hour... that's like a huge new record... he's never called me just to chat. both yesterday and today we've talked all day long, and I love that. I think that's what has kept me from snapping. but what if we stop, what if we don't talk throughout the day, I can't imagine that. I can't imagine living here, and him living there. i just long for his presence, it's like I need him to sleep I need him to function throughout the day, it's scary being without him. When I was a home, if I had a bad day, he would be there, I would see him after it all happened and he would make it better. but now he's not here. I'm scared that being with him is bad. what if I don't experience college because I am going home all the time to be with him, or if he's coming to see me. what if we work so hard for this and make it through it and through the summer and then I have to leave again... how am I going to leave him? and move here indefinitely. I am scared of being without him.. I'm scared of being with him, and I can't help that I worry about these things. I have no control over any of this yet I worry and I get upset and i waste energy on it and it's pointless.