I just read the book the Pact.. and it made me think about johnny. a lot.. I love the kid, more than life. he is my life..he's my best friend. and I keep pushing myself.. in my mind, to feel for him in the way I feel for ben. Johnny is my life, he's my spine, he's pretty much the only one that matters when it comes down to it.. but what happens if we dont get married.. and have the life that we always joke about.. and ahgh. I went to higgins last night, and tonight.. and my skin feels amazing. whats so crap is that it's august.. and I havent been to the beach during the day once. not since school has been out... I've been working my butt off, and it seems like no matter what, my bank account is at a stand still.. I dont really spend anything.. at all but it still doesn't seem to increase.. bahh I need to think about where I'm goin to work this fall.. IGA is out of the wuestion.. maybe baylines with lare.. that could be good. benjamin.. he's a key component in my life, though I've yet to see him as good or bad. but it really doesnt matter because for now, it's okay.