Yeah I'm stressing out. Not sUre if there's a reasoN or not. I havent slepT In days. I've been too uneasy & shit. A Little insecure. A little jealous. The usual shit I don't understand. I cried last night, for no fucking reason. I was reallY pissed at myself. Great times. I have cOnclUded that I am scared of everything. I can't think straight anymore. Fishie was "talking" to me last night, I ended up writing a little but it was really mean, so I ripped it up. I know he would make me read it to him otherwise. I know I would feel guilty if I didn't. I didn't mean the things I said. I was just venting, I guess I needed a good cry. Elizan called me last night, that made me smile. He is still all "I love & miss you Casey" I don't even know about him anymore.. He wants me to go see him during christmas vacation, I guess that would be cool, go for a few days. I miss him a bit. Here we go with the falling in love thing again. I don't understand that. I don't understand whats so loveable about me. I'm always depressed. Always. Sometimes not as bad as others, sometimes I hide it much better. Last night was one of the nights where I could not hide it. I had to vent. And it happened to be the night we talked for no more than 10 minutes. It's not his fault. I wish it would be someone else's fault, other than mine. But it's not. Bruce went alll ehhh on my the other night, he called me pretty upset. I still want to be his friend, he can be an awesome kid when he choses to act his age. We talked about what happened a little, and how I managed to break his heart. For some reason he got me a christmas present (with the expectations that we would make it there?) He told me he wants to give it to me, how do I accept something like that. I hate it when people buy things for me. I hate when my parents buy be things, anyone. It just bothers me. He told me he was bringing it to school tomorrow and told me he would like me to take it. NOOOO I DONT WANT IT. what ever it is, I don't want to accept it. I can't. It's too hard. He moved to fast, and I told him that, and I explained myself and the situation, he told me he understood. Though he didn't understand anything before that so I am not sure he does. Mama Hoy is really sick so I dropped a card off for her the other day. She was in the hospital for a night. I feel bad because the guys walk all over her and its like ehhhh. I did some shopping the other day despite my hating it. For some reason I like to buy things for other people, I suppose it's rather hipocritical, oh well. ehh I suppose.