pathetic. I am so pathetic. and tired. anddd mike craven. hello. what the fuck are you doing with your life. I saw him.. friday? in millcreek ( I was meeting ian and johnny and will) and well, he was kind of huggy and what not. anyway the next night some tools were all going to higgins to have a fire ... (they're idiots) so I thought it'd be fun to bring him... and it was. and i was driving, and he grabbed my hand... and was just.. holding it. hmmm why does this remind me of the last time such things happened. non the less I've seen him every day since.. which is funny. and hes all over me.. like he's always acted.. even back in the day when i completely broke his heart. and its strange... I wonder what his intentions are. hes all grope-y and what have you.. and its just.. ahhh I don't know. and as soon as he kissed me (one of 2 times I let him) I thought, oh yes, this is why we didn't date... I DON'T LIKE HIM.. AT ALL. good. and I dropped him off.. and he went to kiss me .. kiss me "goodbye" and that was a little wierd. augh fuck. and the funny thing is.. it's making my whole "fuck you ben" attitude worse.. it really is. because I want to see him.. (do him) even more so than I did before. and it makes me sick. soooo sick. ahhh fucking I just need to tell him how much he annoys me.. and tell him that what we're doing is done.. because either way... we're done. It's gotten so bad that there's not positive side to anything.. I expect nothing.. though I want it all back. hmph. mike needs to back off a little. he needs to think this through.. he needs to remember what happened last time... and realize that I havent changed.. and in many aspects I've gotten worse because I care about someone else.. lots. fuck fuck fuck it's silly.. but I don't want to think about not seeing ben, when its been like this on and off. I mean I literally havent seen him in almost two weeks. two weeks on friday. thats pathetic. its pathetic that I care, and I dont want to but ohhh well. the longer I don't see him, the faster I'll stop thinking about it all. and summer. god do I need you. and some cute 20 year old. that would be good. someone who isn't a complete idiot. and wants to go out to sushi with me.. that would be good. and tristan has a girlfriend.. ahaha. as soo as that happened the phone calls stopped. sadface. loveloveloveyouuuu.