my heart aches. all I want is to be with him. what if this isn't my dream school, what if I hate it and I don't make new friends and I am miserable. what if I don't want to come back? I have to. I got in. I have to do it. Today he told me not to cry, he said that it'll be okay, that it will be rough for a while but we can make it through it. I'm scared of how much i miss him and want to be with him. he just makes everything better he tells me it will be ok. I have to remember that.. I'll have to think of it when I feel like this. I think him coming last night was like putting a band aid on only to rip it of seconds after.. I missed him.. maybe it was too soon. today it was almost as hard as when I left. I feel like I walked away from the one great thing in my life, and this time, he walked away from me. He could have stayed another night, aaron would have too, but he said they wanted him to work... shouldn't he want to stay here with me? I'm never going to see him. he's working 5 to 1 am.. and going to school.. so I"ll see him during the day.. until he goes to work.. plus 2 full days of school. I just don't see how we would last through this. I don't know how I'm going to go without seeing him like this. I don't know what to do when I feel like this. I don't know if It's good or bad that i don't want to spend a minute away from him... or when we talk about "our" house and "our" kids.. is it bad that a part of me wants that? I know I'm young and I know it's rare that two people that started dating so young make it and are together forever but I want that with him. I want to fast forward through these next four years.. whether we are together then or not, because i don't want to feel the pain of us breaking up. or this pain of not being with him. I wish I wasn't in boston and he wasn't at home. what if i forfeit the experience here and go home on the weekends to see him, will i regret it? Is it worth the regret? what if this is the real thing, and we're going to get through this.. but this is only a part of it, after this summer I move here. indefinitely. and he's there? how will we get through that? I can't help but think like that, think ahead. I am so afraid of the pain, of the amount of control he has over my feelings, how in a sentence he can completely break me. I just love him so much. It's taken us so long to get here, shouldn't it be worth it? I thought he was going to stay the weekend, I was hoping. because his classes start tuesday and he starts work monday... so the chances of him coming here are probably non existant.. and last night he told me that they wanted him to work tonight.. and I said so are you going to and he said well... so I said that means yes. so he went home. and he said he was going to call me and he didn't. and i texted him thinking he went to work and said call me when you get a break... so he calls me... 5 minutes ago. hes not at work. they called and said dont need you, come in monday. i told him i would call him back, I just got ready... I can't start crying again... jess was supposed to call me around 830.. its 852.. if she doesn't call.. i'll probably be really upset. why can't things be ok... not even great or good but just ok...