It's so strange that I am writing in this. I need to vent. hardcore. so jon and I weren't really supposed to hang out but kinda.. but either way he ended up going to Jenn's to hang out with her and michelle. I dont have any right to be mad.. at all, but I am. more so upset. gahh. I just want him to have interest in me as long as I need then when I am done he can go do whatever with the two of them. gahh. but anyway him and kevin went over. and Sunday night michelle was telling me that she thought Jon was so hot and all this shit. gahh. I have study with Jon tomorrow. we'll see. If he wants ass he's going to the wrong place, but whatever. I guess we'll see what happens. I want someone I can have a relationship with.not him, definitely not. I just ahh am so sick of all kinds of shit.. gahh and I am done messing with people for now. I just want someone I know will be there for me to fall back on, but for me to care about.. as much as they care about me. I can't have them care more about me.. because I can't deal with obsessiveness. It doesn't work, but I need someone who can think and carry an intelligent conversation.. someone who calls once... and leaves a sweet voicemail if I don't pick up... I want jesse.. basically.. but thats beside the point. I can't have him.. I need someone like him. rahh. I am so depressed and unhappy.. The only form of happiness I encounter is when someone wants me so bad and I know it, and I ignore a bit, and play a bit but in reality don't give them the time of day. horrible. poor lyss, I can't believe her bio-mother called. gaah thats so horrible. I dont know. I am so upset and pre occupied. grrr. I want jon to call me.. tonight.. or tomorrow. ahhh i will end up talking to him in study hall.. guaranteed.. he called me like when he woke up.. so that must mean he wants to talk or hang out or wants me or likes me .. doesn't it?.. grr ahh.