so I think I need to type until i don't feel so ughh... maybe. I have anger issues.. I'm grumpy a lot. I should probably fix that but I don't know how much that will actually work. And I yell a lot. I mean, we as a family are a bit loud.. but I yell a little more than the rest of them. I have such a low tolerance for idiots and I'm well aware of how judgemental that statement sounds yet it's still true. I'm quite tired.. all the time, yet not so much anymore. And by anymore I am referring to the fact that I havent seen .. touched.. talked to ben in almost 2 weeks. So it makes me wonder whether he had something to do with my need for sleep .. and the large amounts I required. I'm still grumpy. except when I'm around those few people that I don't absolutely want to stab. I want to start going to the gym again.. that would be good. I don't want to lose weight... nor can I aford to lose any, but that's beside the point. I need to feel active and I need something to occupy my time, and working out is where I would best like to spend my time. I went running a few days ago, it was only 3 ish miles, and I have never been in more pain in my life. so there goes running. I'm stressed to the max about school not school.. but like SCHOOL.. and BU and Northeastern. and ahhh fuckkk. I just want summer. and being at the beach basically officially meant no more school cause summer is here. I am a lot more mature that the people my age, and thats a bit of a problem. I hang out with older people, for the most part just for that reason, but ahh I don't know. And that's why I needed ben, not just him, but the way our "relationship" was constructed.. ahh I don't know. I want to be around people.. all the time. I want to ahh just be I dont know,not happy, I'm plenty happy but like ahh fuck, with him. that's what I want. but things happen, and I will get over it.. hopefully soon.. maybe.