I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave My heart won't move, it's incomplete Wish there was a way that I can make you understand But how do you expect me to live alone with just me 'Cause my world revolves around you It's so hard for me to breathe Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air Can't live, can't breathe with no air It's how I feel whenever you ain't there It's no air, no air Got me out here in the water so deep Tell me how you gonna be without me If you ain't here, I just can't breathe It's no air, no air ahhhh that song. is branded in my head. friday. ben anihilated me. absolutely positively tore me apart. I guess.. I started it.. but I didn't want it to be like that. It was the first time that itold him how I felt. he read this shit for god sakes, I put more out there, than I ever had before... I guess I realized that if not now, then when? never? I mean.. we were pretty much donezo for a while there.. and he wouldn't admit he cared.. or I hurt him.. or that he wanted us to be together.. he just wouldn't. eventually he.. said I hurt him.. and it was so complicated... I went over there.. after he read this.. and I just climbed on top of him.. and he put his arms through the arm holes of my down vest and just held me. and said "I missed you tonight" and asked me if I was okay.. a few times. and the thing was.. I was.. when I was there.. with him.. I needed him... saturday wasn't much better... sunday was okay.. saw him sunday night.. that made it better.. much better.. and he texted me at like.. 3 today.. and asked me how today was and things.. and asked if I'd be mad if he went out tonight.. I was like, noooo? why would I be? and he said.. I dont know, cause we cant hang out. that is my heart right there. he didnt go out.. and said come over whenever! unelss you have plans :[ I was like nooo I do for later but I'll come now.. so I went.. and stayed later than I thought I would.. didn't want to leave... he asked when my party was.. I said I wasn't going he said why, I said because he doesn't want me to. tonight was good. i just, am so entangled and in love and he makes me healthy and happy and wow. I wish, I don't know. if I could just hold his hand forever.. or sleep. forever.. and cuddle.. and ahhh. sometimes he says he wants to fold me up and put me in his pocket. and keep me forever. I wish he would. tonight he fell asleep with his head on my chest... my arm under his neck... his arm over my stomach... and he woke up and looked at me.. and woke me up.. and smiled.. and layed back down... and there was a little spot of drool on my shirt, and as disgusting as saliva is.. and as much as I hate it.. it was cute. and he is just ahhhh. see I think I want people, just to play with, nick for example,and I see what I have with ben. and how good it is, how I need it, how much I rely on it.. its amazing. I appreciate it now. appreciate him more... and more so.. I acknowledge us. as us. us.