fuckkk. I've seen benn every night but two nights.. since last saturday? or friday?... non the less it's been a lot. and it's wierd.. but I like it. the first night i didn't see him was.. tuesday .. he went to sleep at 4 in the afternoon.. and slept until his alarm for work.. aha.. and the other.. was tonight.. he texted me at like 730 and said "where is it" so I said I was getting out of work, sleep soon? and he said later? because jay was over.. I said whatever.. I didn't talk to him after that.. but that's good.. I'm kind of glad.. it was the first night that I actually stayed out and didn't leave what I was doing to go over.. ish. butt I kind of wanted to play sleepover and I sooo had the car. ohhh well. tomorrow; we rage.. ahahah can't fuckinggg wait. even if, I dont rage.. and just show up for point 5... I'll be happy. frickennnn ben.. ahh I don'tknow. every sinnngle dayy. I can't even deal with that.. it's such a drastic change from before.. it's almost overwhelming.. I wouldn't feel compelled to go over there every night if he didn't ask me.. I'm completely happy not seeing him that often, in all honesty. but when he asks.. I just want to ahh I don't know.. go nap?.. with himm?... but if I knew.. that he wasn't going to ask that night.. for whatever reason.. I'd just be like whatevs and be completely fine with itt. I don't need to see him that much.. a couple nights I got there.. and I just kind of... wanted to go hanggg outt! but I didn't really want to leave him.. ish.. I dont know I want to like actually be awake around him sometimes.. I guess that would be nice.. argh. but I ahh last night.. he kept biting me.. because he was big spoon.. and he knows I hate it when he just does it because he can.. and then won't like follow through with .. yeah. and so I made an attempt.. and he basically shot me downn... so I turned my back to him and just closed my eyes to go to sleep.. I was partially pretending to be mad, but partially actually trying since we weren't going to playyy or anythingg soo then he thought I was mad.. and he started trying really really hard and tried to make me smile so I rolled onto my stomach and put my face in the pillow. and he hopped on my asss and started rubbing my back.. the effer knows I can't ignore him if he rubs my back.. and so thennn we played.. and it wasn't particularly good.. but the fact that he tried so hard to get it.. eventhough he didn't really want it but because I did he did it. does that make sense?. oh well. non the less. hes.. ugh. making it difficult. but oh well... I'm doing this to myself.. I'm the only one it will hurt in the end.. soo whatever. I'm in a genuinely good mood when I'm around him.. and when he runs his fingers over my arms.. and my back.. and cracks my fingers.. how comfortable I am with him is what gets me.. just us.. and how we act .. and our inside things.. and when he intentionally pisses me off.. its just ahhhh. fucking I need this kid sometimes. ish.