I'm lieing to myself. we talked..monday morning... and night.. it was a good conversation. I said to him, don't take this like I am asking you to be with me.. or like I want to be with you.. but can you honestly tell me that there aren't times where you want to be with me? and he said, honestly.. yes, I can't forget two years. good. fucking dont. be with me. make me feelbetter. fucking sleep next to me. and wrap your arms around me. or pull me on top of you with my elbows at your shoulders and my hands in your hair. noses touching. anything together. I don't know why I need you so bad. I don'tknow why I can't stop thinking about you and us and how all I want to do is sleep next to you.. in your arms. I wish I could just accept this. you tell me that you'll always be there noo matter what. anytime. if I'm in trouble or I need to talk or I'm hurt. You couldn't forget the past. you could never just brush me off. thats what you did. you brushed me off. for someone else. and I'm so shattered. and I keep thinking about it. and we're not together. I don't want to be the girl that goes to her fucking ex boyfriend when she needs someone. I don't want to be the girl that runs to you, that needs you, that can't accept the fact that we broke up. I wantyou to want to talk to me. and miss me. and want to be with me. I've never been that girl, and I'm so hurt, and the things you say, make me feel okay when you say them... when we're talking.. but after.. it's just more words. more words for me to think about and over look and be hurt by. Im so scared. and I miss you. so much. it's not even that I want to be with you. I just miss you, and how I was around you. and I'm petrefied of not being withyou and 2 fucking years. and please. why now. why me. I lost 6 pounds. so far from intentionally. I'm stressed. everybody has said something... I've denied it.. because that's just not something I want to deal with... I'm not trying. I'm stressed. and college. and I need him.