I don't know where the time is going. Two months. If 2 months have gone by THIS fast.. what are we going to do? We are halfway through the time we have together essentially.. just under half I guess. So how are we supposed to get through this? My stomach is in knots thinking about it, but I feel like it's too soon to discuss what we're going to do. I feel like I should prepare my self for just breaking up. I think I want to go see him in May, and go away for a few weeks.. maybe so we can travel a bit together? Of course I haven't told him that this is what I want to do, we haven't had a conversation about what exactly we are going to do about our relationship.. just about how it's going to suck when he leaves.

There's no question that we love each other. I don't doubt that in him and I certainly don't doubt that in myself, but a year away after 5 months together? I just don't see how we would get through that. I am certainly willing to devote myself to him.. I think. And the bottom line is; I trust him. I trust him to treat me right, to appreciate me, take care of me. However I do not trust the fact that he won't break my heart. A part of me is/was concerned that when he comes back after a year, will we feel the same way about each other? More so will he feel the same way about me?

I want to be with him. I do. Both physically and emotionally... but on the other hand if we really do feel the way we say we do about each other, then we should be able to do this. Which poses the question, do we want to?

I can't imagine finding another person who makes me feel the way that he makes me feel. I feel secure when I am with him... I feel secure in our relationship. I don't worry about things like not seeing him for a night, I don't particularly like it but it doesn't worry me or upset me.

The other day we kind of got in an argument.. I said something that ultimately he saw as me taking a stab at him and essentially belittling him. Which I wasn't, or I should say I wasn't by any means intentionally saying something to hurt his feelings. At any rate the conversation which didn't really seem to get solved resulted in him saying "I guess the happy go lucky part of the relationship is over."

Which kind of hurt my feelings... It kind of made me mad in the sense that.. I don't see this as like a "honey moon" period. I don't. The way I feel about him could only grow stronger. The way i treat him and the way I act around him is no different from how I would normally treat someone I care about so... could that be a true statement? When I say we argued it's more of a conversation than anything... So no, I don't think this happy go lucky period existed... let alone ended.