I'm keeping you around, I don't know why. I think about who you've made me, the good and the bad, and I can't let you go. maybe I won't let you go. I couldn't possibly bring myself to do it. or could I? so why have I dragged you along? is it because you did it to me? for so long? the scars you created have now been turned over to you? Is it your turn to hurt? I don't know how that's fair. I don't know why or how I could do that to you, I don't at all. Are we fighting because you're there and I'm here? How can we make this better? What can I do to stop this, to make myself stop this.. from acting like this? What can you do? Are you not concerned or afraid? Afraid of what I am doing here... without you? do you think I couldn't do this to you? I'm pretty sure I have.. and I am.. I dont know how to stop myself. I don't want to move down here. if you didn't leave I wouldn't have done this. I wouldn't have wanted to. You would have been here. So what do I do? Does this mean that I am over it? that what everyone suspected was true? Was this all just comfortable? I don't want to believe it. but I do. But I know the minute I am done having my fun, the minute I am over this or something happens and it's not fun anymore.. I'll want you back. I'll want to crawl into your arms and for you to make it go away. The pain you didn't know existed. Is that fair? That's what you did to me. You did and it crushed me.. over and over again. You created this monster. you had this coming to you, didn't you? Maybe I think that I could hurt you all I want and you would forgive me either way? I can't justify this. I don't know why I am being like this.. I just know what I feel.. I'm still hurt about what you did. three years ago when we first started dating. crushed. how could you do that to me? Did you not know then that you were going to fall in love with me? that you would tell me you want to be with me forever? Maybe I need to play around.. get it out of my system. I'm so young, if anything that should be a reason. How could you think I would want to be so serious, for such a long time? I need time. I think I still want to be with you. I don't think now is a good time to decide. I don't think the relationship was healthy. I didn't bring you around my friends. You certainly didn't bring me around your friends. I need to run a little wild. Christ I've been working 50 or 60 hour weeks for months.. and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. I don't want to move. I wish you would come back here. Maybe things would get better. Do you want things to get better? Do you want to be together? To get through this? I don't know what I want. I need you to hang on for a while. Just a while longer. I need some time for me. To let go for a while... not just of you, but of my neurotic lifestyle. The order. the 930 bedtimes. I can't guarantee I will come back to you, but if you let me go now, if you let me get this out of my system, I think it is only fair. For once you need to stop thinking about you, and start thinking about me. What I need... what I need to do to make things okay. Maybe I'll be over this in a couple weeks and everything will be back to normal. Maybe I'll decide to live with you in mass, to play house.. play married at the age of 19. is that what you want? Did you figure out I was such a catch and decide to keep me all to yourself? Did you figure out that you certainly were not the only one. I could find others. I would find others. Can you help me get through this? For better or for worse? I think I loved you, so much.. for so long. I think it took you too long to reciprocate that love. It took you too long to realize what we had, and how good it could of been. And I was too tired. Too tired to try anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I'm doing. But I think you had this coming. Does being used to the separation mean I don't care anymore? That I don't love you? Is it bad that I am ok with not seeing you so much, that I am no longer making the effort to see you. Is it bad that I can't for the of me figure out why I don't just run to you and ignore everything else. Do you not think that this hurts me too? it does. I am at wit's end with this relationship.. With the lack of communication. I am tired of you not meeting me half way all the time. I am tired of trying. I think things could have been different. Maybe I am just hurting myself right now.. do you not know what is going on? Are you that oblivious? stupid? Do you think I am not capable of this? because I carried this relationship for so long? I guess if you're right I'll come back, I'll be forever yours. I can't stand to think about you. I hate the thought that you were a convenience to me, a way to escape reality. I hate how I still, love you, so much. But am I in love with you? What do you want me to do? I'll tell you what I want...