Dad thinks I need to try a semester. And then decide. I need to search for the good in this school. I need to find a reason to go. I wonder if I'm any different than the previous girls. Ive been with him the longest out of all of them.. And ive probably put up with more than anyone else. But does he view me differently? Is there something worth saving? Or trying. What's he going to say when I have to leave? Am I worth it to him to try and stay together or does he view it as we need to try and not be together and see how that works. I never thought I would see someone like this, that I would be so deeply involved, that I would even think about not going away to be with him. And sometimes I think.. Does he love me? Am I just a place holder until I'm gone? Does he not say it because he doesn't feel it or because he's scared of how much he really does. Why won't he tell me. I can't imagine leaving him. That first night. And week. And month. The thought is making my eyes well up. Just the beginning of the gallons of tears. Ive probably cried more in the last couple months than I have in my entire life. And its pathetic. I didn't know you could want to be with a person this much. I didn't know that I would feel this way when I started seeing him again. I want him to be real and appreciate me and want to do things involving my friends. I don't know.