so much can happen in 2 years.. so much has happened in the last 2 years.. but mostly I've changed a lot. It's kind of hard for me to think of how its been so long, and why I let it go this far, and more so what am I doing. I can't just cut out a huge part of my life when I go to school. I mean, it won't stop me, but what will I do. what will become of us. Molly jokes that we'll get married. its funny, because it's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. yet, it's not. two years. if in august.. we are how we are now. I don't know what I will do. And its taken me so long to admit to myself that i care.. haha too long. but we don't talk about that.. we don't deal with that. the other day he was looking at classes online... I dont know if me doing all my stuff made him want to go back but it kind of made me sad. I don't want him to move past this, I dont want to move past this. I can only describe it as.. we click. we just fit. and despite all the dumb crap we do, he's my wall.. my wall for leaning against when i get deferred or anything else. I hate to think about something that I won't have to deal with for months. I've always thought planning and worry so far ahead of time is worthless. things change. we could not be talking next week. donezo. thats not what I want.. but it could happen, and who's going to stop it? no one. I don't trust him. and that's scary. but trusting him would be even worse. my hip hurts. more than usual. don't know why. don't want to deal with that. just want to sleep forever. with him. boooooooo to being dumb.